Allow me to introduce myself: My name (everywhere but the 'meat world') is Verucca Salt. You can call me 'Rucca, if you like. I'm 37, divorced and living with my 4th live-in partner (counting my ex husband). I have a son, soon to be 18. He lives with his father in another state. I have one surviving elderly cat, we lost her sister and littermate 7 months ago. My live-in fiance, Michael, and I have been together 9 months (this time, more on that later) and living together for almost 5 months. I have bowel cancer, he has a gluten allergy. He's a recovering alcoholic. We're both mentally ill. Sometimes we make mistakes. Sometimes we argue. Sometimes stuff just happens. At the end of the day, we love each other and we want each other to be happy. We do what we can, when we can, how we can and with what we have.
Today started as a good day for Michael. He woke me up (after a fitful night's sleep listening to the neighbors make noise outside for no reason) to tell me he had started coffee for me and enrolled himself in classes at the local community college for the spring semester. We smoked a cigarette together (we are trying to quit, and having somewhat limited success--we smoke less than we did, but we still smoke) and exchanged kisses. He went out the door with money for duck food and a lunch cobbled together of miscellaneous leftovers in his backpack. Here's hoping he has a decent day at work, where he'll be for the next 6 1/2 hours or so.
I'm having either a cancer-y day or a depression-y day. They're a bit hard to tell apart unless they're pretty extreme. Either way, I am short on energy and motivation and of course I have a metric ton of crap I need to do today. I'm using one of my classic "set it right" techniques right now. I've set an alarm, giving myself a limit to how long I am going to goof around. When it goes off, I am going to force myself to tackle an item on today's to-do list.
Today's List:
1.) Unload and reload the dishwasher.
2.) Scrub and disinfect the bathroom so we can shower tonight.
3.) Research the issue with the car to try and find out how much it will cost to fix.
4.) Research the 3 cardio-thoracic surgeons the oncologist referred me to and figure out which order to call them in tomorrow.
5.) Fill one trash bag and top with kitchen floor sweepings.
Deadline for all items to be completed: 9 p.m.
Wish me luck, my lazy ass is gonna need it.
-Rucca
